I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

Sunday, October 30, 2005

//[giving up for good ??]\\

well im back ...since 3 days ago ?? yeah...havent came online since then...anyway lots of things to say lah...yesterday in the morning i woke up at 7am...kind of sick in the stomach...not sure why either...maybe cuz of all the eating i did on friday nite to drown my sorrows in food...?!?!? kind of weird but effective way becuz all i think abt is eating and nothing else...i managed to forget EVERYTHING <-------- and yeah...i slept like a log that nite...!! anyway sat morning went to Eng's house to chill right before having training later on...he told me abt him and his fren the previous nite ... he said he sort of hinted real indirectly that he liked her and told me how she told him that she needed more time...damn why are gals so hard to convince nowadays...if a guys says he likes u means he likes u lah...need time for wat sia!! lol...joking...anyway i feel real sorry for him...all his life he hasnt been able to get the gal that he likes and i guess that really dampens his self-esteem...poor Eng...Lol....dun give up man im sure she has feelings for u but i guess she jus wans to test ur sincerity...i guess guys that has much patience is a very great guy indeed...cuz the gal will definitely be moved by his sincerity...unlike me who always has "3 mins affection"...man my cheena is improving drastically ... hahas... training was really cool lah...we trashed all the teams we played wif...it was really a morale booster training cuz we jus had our beloved Seph back into our team after his BETRAYAL -____-"! fuck him... lol... anyway hope he will stay for as long as RaG[3] is around... after training we went for supper and i swear im getting fatter frm all the supper im having...rofl...after o's its WORK and GYM 24/7 FOR ME!!
anyway went home and slept earli that nite...cuz i had church this morning...my father decided to go to church today...he couldnt really sit for that long becuz of his operation and we went late for the service...we missed the praise and worship but were in time for the communion...sermon was meaningful becuz Uncle Neville delivered a great message...before sermon ended we had to leave becuz my father couldnt take it anymore...so we left earli...didnt get to see her today...i dunno if she even went...im sure shes avoiding me now...sad...SAD....shld i jus gif up on this love that wasnt meant to be?? lol...im jus a laughing stock...anyway im gonna play badminton later on...hope to destress myself before hitting the books tonite!! DONT WORRY SISTER WEITING im coming MDIS then SIM to find u!! haha wait for me man... dun start wifout me...haha...anyway had the world's best hokkien mee for lunch...im going to go chill now...be right back tml or so to blog more...take care peeps.../gone ~

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|1:30 PM|

//[giving up for good ??]\\

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|1:27 PM|

Friday, October 28, 2005

//[finally out of my house man!!]\\

today...im finally out of my house for the 1st time this week..
i feel totally renewed...no more thinking of her and no more rotting at home...
i left my house at 9.30am and i went to eng's house to study for awhile till now///
fuck he supposed to meet mi at 10.30 in the end he fucking come at 11.30!!
nugget...he at home play dota until so song...then i alone wait at mac like a fool...
some more i order food liao nv eat wait for him to come and i was in public
reading my damn stupid social studies book...make mi look like a nerd...pek chek..
haha anyway im gonna meet andy snake and evil later together wif eng to play mix
team at crc...cool man so long nv play cs liao...dunno still can hshs anot...
i keep listening to the song jaychou - ye qu..over and over again becuz i like the tune
its so soothing man...jay is really good la ... cant take it.. if onli i can sing as well as him..
LOLZ !! im like so tired la...slept for onli 6 hrs plus...my eyes got dark ring like panda sia
=____= i feel like slping now...cant take it...anyway hope later can frag ppl la...haha
cant wait for training this sat to tryout this new team wif evil in..hope we can perform
much better than the previous team where seph was in...i dunno why he left lor...
he jus suddenly quit liddat wif no reasons and went to morale...seriously i feel kind of
dejected...and i heard that yejie wanted to pull cat over oso...wtf?? where got this
kind of thing 1... damn pek chek...i think of it again i feel annoyed...hmmm anyway its
over...i onli can look forward and not backward.. ahah..wads the point of raking up the past?
so fast and its gonna be sunday again and another week will be gone, bringing mi closer to the
exams..T_T... gotta study harder much more now...i dunno why im even out playing cs...
fuck i feel damn guilty now..haha no worries im gonna make up by studying real hard TONITE.!
ok i dun think i'll write anymore...fucking longwinded...ciao//gone

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|5:26 AM|

Thursday, October 27, 2005

//[a day less sian than the previous..]\\

walan eh...today veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy hot...hahaha...in the afternoon like 1 something my dad ask me to go car ride wif him...went to visit the old church site...the construction was damn slow...i wonder how they can complete it be new year...haven even laid the cement in...then after that we went to yio chu kang market to eat lah...that place has the best hokkien mee man...i eat liao feel like eating 1 more plate...but cannot tahan too full liao...hahhaa anyway i was pretty happy that he didnt nag all the way during the car ride...i was expecting a lecture session..thank god...came home and i straight away went to hit the books...it was agonizing...i studied for about 3 hrs before dozing off...Zzzz...i can really fall asleep damn fast when studying...i think it shld be a remedy for those wif imsonia...ha...i changed my blog template becuz the old 1 didnt look nice anymore...guess its becuz of how i felt rite now man...the pain inside i wish could jus disappear immediately...the pain is excrutiating..its like,damn thousand of needles piercing my heart and before it can recover they pierce my heart again...why thus?? i dunch noe...fuck this shit...i think im jus gonna study and forget abt her...i haven told her yet, but by the way i look at it telling her would jus make our frenship worse man...its already nice talking to her but i dun think the feeling is reciprocal...rite now im listening to simple plan - crazy and the lyrics suddenly seem so meaningful .... sigh...why do i feel very gutless wif this gal?? it wasnt like this in the past...telling gals that i was interested in them wasnt difficult to me...i guess its becuz of the many months of lack of going out wif gals now...i feel im becoming gay...well its like this...i guess good things cant last indeed...or maybe its for real this time?? i can feel my feelings for her are genuine now...i doubt she feels it...cuz she doesnt treat me differently... i think im gonna slp pretty late tonite...nid to do alot of mugging...anw i cant wait for jay's new album to be out...im gonna dl all the songs and memorise all his songs jus to take my mind off of her...if onli she knows that i care for her...if onli she knew.../gone

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|12:25 PM|

//[yawnzz...]\\

damn earli in the morning...cant take it man..
another earli morning for me, why cant i damn slp !?
when i awoke this morning again i tot of her..images of her flashed thru my mind..
im going paranoid,when will this feelings ever cease??
i dunno why i dun haf the guts to fucking tell her how i feel..im a USELESS JERK!!
i need to go and find somethin to eat...my gastric's acting up again..
i woke up like around 5.30 in the morning and i went for a jog..
taking in fresh air early in the morning helped to release stress abit..
my exams are jus around the corner and i dun haf the slightest mood to open my book..
some1 pls fucking help me man...im gonna flunk my exams !!
i feel like telling her about my feelings but im damn afraid that she will start avoiding mi
when i do so...can some1 pls tell me wat to do??
i noe that i have to express my feelings towards her..but i dunno where to begin..
it's jus like writing a novel without having an introduction...-_-"!!
oh btw i wanna go catch a movie this week...anybody interested...?
i asked her already but i dunno whether she would go wif me...AARGH!!
ok im gone now my fren's jioing mi to play dota.../gone!

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|12:27 AM|

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

//[A Day of Thoughts...]\\

damn...i woke up at 9.30 today...dunno why im getting up so earli nowadays...must be all the worrying im doing rite now...i feel like a complete idiot...going after a relationship that is impossible...sometimes the more u cant get it the more u will go after it...this suckz...i need to get some help rite here...anyway...im tired now...my 1st blog post. hope it doesnt suck as much as me...gotta go study now../gone

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|7:09 AM|

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

//[another day has passed..]\\

man this sucks...i haf already idled another day pass..the exams are coming and i dun think im prepared the least bit...im gonna jus DIE !! FUCK !!!!!
anyway thanks for tagging...hope u guys do visit my site and tag more often...
thanks fsh for helping mi wif my site...u rock dude...
haiz im still thinking of her man !! even when i play cs i put her name as my nick!!
am i crazy in love or wat???? fuck this shit im gonna jus lay in bed and rot to death...i wish i could...today whole day no mood to do anithing man...jus walk around the house and look at my stupid 2 dogs...they r really dirty and they stink like hell..must be becuz of the damn rain...oh yah and it rained the whole day, making mi moodless and unable to go out ... my house is so damn far frm the damn bus stop and everything jus seems so far away rite now...
i feel like giving up, not jus in my studies but in everything else...nothing seems to go my way rite now...i can onli look forward to my weekly cs trainings wif my buddies...i miss clubbing...i miss late nites and i miss overnite pool sessions...i wanna be FREE!!!!!! FUCK EXAMS !!!

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|9:21 PM|

//[Hmmm?]\\

as i sat down to ponder...i tot of everything...whether i could be wif her and whether she likes me even anot...i guess not...my final conclusion was that i stood no chance...i knew that it was impossible between us...seeing her once a week , i am much contented...who knows she might already haf someone that she likes...why am i stuck onto her i dun really noe...i tried to show much concern but i dunno if she realises...i dunno whether she even appreciates it...why is loving someone so painful...why is everything going wrong in a love that wasnt meant to be...i dunno..God pls gif mi strength...God pls guide mi and tell mi where to go from now...sigh....

-but baby dun u break my heart slow|5:29 PM|